Boss vs. Dictator

Some people mistakenly feel that once they are promoted to an upper management position, they have been granted permission to oversee and control every detail of their subordinate's existence. To borrow a phrase from an old musical, "That ain't necessarily so."

When we try to assert our will over someone else, the other person will most likely get defensive or downright insulted. No one likes to be told what to do. If you doubt this, just remember how it feels when someone tries to tell you what to do. To avoid the natural backlash that comes with this action, you need to look at how you ask for something, what the words mean to you, and how your team member may hear them differently.

I know this sounds like a long process, especially if your motivation is just to get your co-worker to print up a proposal. But if you take this information to heart, you may eliminate a large percentage of your arguments, hurt feelings, and thoughts of using a roll of duct tape to keep a team member's mouth shut.

It's called a working relationship for a reason. Unless you agree that you want one person to have all the control, no individual has the right to make the other subservient. There is a sound psychological reason for this. If we don't treat each other as equals, the ideas can't flow equally, and if that isn't happening, you are eventually going to lose business.

Simply changing any demands to requests is a great way to start. This gives your staff member an opportunity to exercise his or her free will, which is empowering. The chances of getting your needs met are much higher if the other person feels like he or she has some choice in the matter. Acting out by yelling, withholding recognition, or just being nasty is a losing game. It will never help you get what you want. In truth, it will only serve to alienate your team.

If you think this behavior is okay, I implore you to ask your staff members what they are experiencing. Yes, it's a risk, but if you take it now, you'll save yourself a lot of grief in the future.
Working together with an empowered team is one of the best parts of life. The give and take is a dance that would put Fred and Ginger to shame. Being able to have your requests granted with a smile may only be a matter of changing a few words, adjusting your tone, and perhaps your attitude. You'll get the most out of your company and your staff member by treating him or her with the same respect you'd ask for yourself. This is not rocket science, but it's a discovery that could make your business as bright as any star.

For more than two decades Fortune 500 companies, educational institutions, and government organizations worldwide have relied on Dr. Barton Goldsmith to help them develop creative and balanced leadership. He is a highly sought-after keynote speaker, business consultant and author. His columns appear in over 500 publications, including the Chicago Sun-Times, the Detroit News, and the Los Angeles Business Journal. Considered an expert on small business, he has spoken worldwide to groups of 10 to 5,000, and is in high demand for Keynotes, Training and Consulting. He may be contacted through his web site BartonGoldsmith.com or at (818) 879-9996.