The Lessons Learned from Hardships

By Russ Moxley, CCL Honorary Senior Fellow

Over the two past weeks I've been thinking about the unspeakable tragedy of the terrorist attacks on America. I've wondered what I might learn from this experience and how I'll be different as a result of it.
"It is a time of taking stock, of giving up one identity while we transition to another."

For almost 20 years those of us at the Center for Creative Leadership (CCL) have been studying how we learn important leadership and life lessons. We've gathered a wealth of insights about the types of experiences - as well as the challenges embedded in them - that help men and women from all walks of life develop the skills and perspectives they need to become more effective leaders and people.

One of the surprising results of that research, at least to me, has been the important role hardships play in our learning, growth and change.

At the core of any hardship experience - a business mistake or failure, a career setback, a personal trauma or tragedy - is a sense of loss: a loss of identity, a loss of safety or security, a loss of a sense of control, a loss of self-confidence, a loss of meaning or purpose. This dimension of loss separates hardships from other learning experiences.

Loss causes us to confront ourselves. Those of us who live quite successfully in the external world suddenly turn inward. As I'm certain many of us did recently, we ask: What does this mean? How can I make sense of it? What's really important to me? How do I want to live and lead differently?

It is a time of taking stock, of giving up one identity while we transition to another. As with other losses, we go through stages of denial and anger before working our way through to some level of acceptance.

Learning leadership and life lessons from tragedy does not happen automatically, and learning does not come simply with the ebb and flow of events. But if we can stare into the face of our pain without being absorbed by it - and sometimes we need the support of others to do this - we can learn about our capacity to overcome fear and defeat. We can learn how to adapt in a sometimes arbitrary world. We can be more open to and accepting of our limitations. We can gain new perspective on what's truly important to us.

Out of our loss we can craft a new beginning.

Russ Moxley is a CCL senior fellow and director of the Center's nonprofit services. In addition, he is author or co-author of several books on leadership development. Russ holds bachelor's and master's degrees from Southern Methodist University and has over 25 years experience in management training and development.