How To Be A Bad Board Member

I. Show up routinely late for board and committee meetings. Offer no excuse.

II. Communicate regularly with the CEO's staff or, better yet, employees even deeper within the organization. Never tell the CEO what you're doing.

III. When confronted with the multitude of technical terms and acronyms endemic to every industry, hide ignorance at all costs. Muddle through.

IV. When the board is considering potential new members, advocate vigorously for close friends and colleagues.

V. During discussions of important, substantive issues, volunteer your personal experience of 15 years ago. Be sure the differences between the two situations are great. Take time to go into detail.

VI. Proclaim loudly and regularly that information provided to directors is: a) too much, b) too little, c) off the point.

VII. Address questions to any one in the room. Ignore the person who is chairing the meeting.

VIII. Speak frequently and forcefully. Interrupt other directors before they finish their comments. Make it clear that what you have to say is more important.

IX. When, after thorough discussion, the majority of directors disagree with your position, never, ever, acquiesce gracefully. Sulk.

X. If, after the board self-assessment results are in, you are advised by the chairman that your name will not be on the next slate of directors, fly into a towering rage. Threaten to sue.

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